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Winning The Lottery With Nicolas Cage #50
My name is Ed and I have played the National Lottery 49 times, each time picking the numbers using a different Nicolas Cage film. So far, this has failed to win me the lottery, but who thinks they can win the lottery by watching 49 Nicolas Cage films? A fool, that’s who. So, number 50:
Ghost Rider (2007)
Given that Nic Cage is a professed comic fan — his stage name was borrowed from Marvel’s Luke Cage — this, his first comic book movie, comes surprisingly late in his career. It was never meant to be this way — in 1998 he was signed on to play Superman in a Tim Burton movie, but the project fell apart 3 weeks before production started and the possibility of an entirely different pop cultural world fizzled out.
So instead his ‘superhero’ debut was as the less heroic, and much, much more obscure Johnny Blaze, a motorcycle stunt act who sells his soul to the devil and in return is transformed into the ‘Ghost Rider’, a computer-generated skeleton what is on fire. For some reason.
Here are the good things about Ghost Rider: Johnny Blaze gets some bits of character-defining business where we learn that his main vices are, for some reason, drinking jelly beans out of Martini glasses and watching videos of chimps. These are mainly funny because I have the strong suspicion they’re there at the insistence of Cage, rather than because they were in the script. Peter Fonda is an okay devil. There’s also a very small role for the then largely unknown Rebel Wilson, who is quite funny as ‘girl in alley’.
Here are the bad things about Ghost Rider: the rest of Ghost Rider.
Ghost Rider’s writer/director Mark Steven Johnson holds the unique distinction of being the only human to helm a film so boring that it has caused me to fall asleep at the cinema — the extremely poor Ben Affleck version of Daredevil. I suppose it is sort of an achievement that I remained ostensibly conscious throughout Ghost Rider.
You’d think a film about a guy who does motorcycle stunts and turns into a burning skeleton might at least have some visual flare, but the action is totally limp — replacing scenes with a “computer graphics go here” caption would only be marginally less compelling. How do you make Nicolas Cage jumping over six helicopters on a motorcycle boring? HOW?
Eva Mendes plays a brilliant character called something like Roxanne A. Loveinterest, and Cage has slightly less screen chemistry with her than with the videos of the chimps, his motorcycle, or indeed more or less anything else on screen. Her drunk acting in a largely unnecessary scene where Blaze stands her up on a date is so poor that one can only assume the director was attempting to deliberately sabotage her career out of spite.
The film is abominably slow — it takes the best part of an hour for Blaze to become the Ghost Rider, and even longer for there to be anything that could be meaningfully described as plot. It turns out the devil’s son (Wes Bentley, looking more like a bully from a rival school that the Saved By The Bell gang are going to teach a lesson) wants to eat a contract that has 1000 corrupt souls trapped inside it. ?????? There’s another Ghost Rider but he rides a horse instead of a motorbike then fucks off for no particular reason. Two computer animations have a fight and then the devil says Nicolas Cage doesn’t have to be a skeleton that goes on fire anymore. Nicolas Cage says actually he loves being a skeleton on fire and drives off on his motorbike. The end.
But perhaps the biggest crime of Ghost Rider is to cast Nicolas Cage in a role that necessitates us not seeing his face or hearing his (undoctored) voice for the skeleton-based segments of the film. It’s Nicolas Cage! That’s what we’re here for! Still, at least they didn’t make a sequel.
Oh, for f
THE NUMBERS:
3 — Roxanne is a reporter for Channel 3 News. Or News Channel 3. Or something. The van has a big 3 on it, anyway.
6 — One of the stunts Johnny does in the film is to jump over 6 helicopters on his motorbike. This is impressively shot, in that it is impressive that they made it look incredibly dull.
17 — Johnny is 17 when he sells his soul to the devil. To cure his dad’s cancer. You’ll never guess, the devil does a trick on him and his dad dies anyway when a stunt goes wrong.
32 — IMDB says “On Dec. 31, 2007, Robbie Madison essentially performed Johnny Blaze’s “Goalpost-to-Goalpost” motorcycle jump in Las Vegas, setting a new world record distance of 322.625 feet.” He didn’t sell his soul to the devil and turn into a burning skeleton though, did he? Lame.
51 — Johnny’s father’s cancer-based paperwork says he is patient number 2351.
56 — Johnny says he hasn’t seen Roxanne in 56,000 years. This is a lie.
THE RESULT:
I had a Lucky Dip to use from last time. Come on, at least let me have won the lottery as a reward for sitting through that load of old shite.
1 stinking number on the main one, nothing on the bonus. Now I’ll have to sell my soul to the devil just to feed my baby.
NEXT TIME ON NICOLAS CAGE:
One of the fake trailers from Grindhouse! At least it will be short!
PREVIOUSLY:
Apparently Medium makes it quite hard to find previous instalments of this so I have made a sort of index thing, here .
DISCLAIMER:
Do not spend your money on lottery tickets because you think watching Nicolas Cage films will enable you to win the lottery. The only real winner in the lottery is the lottery, bad artists, and people who actually win the lottery.
- Nicolas Cage
- The Lottery
- Ghost Rider
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Winning The Lottery With Nicolas Cage
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I am attempting to harness the magical energy of Nicolas Cage in order to win the National Lottery. In practice, this means that twice a week I watch a Nicolas Cage film, then pick lottery numbers based on or inspired by that film. I will definitely win.
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Response[ edit ]
Upon initial release, All About The Benjamins received generally negative reviews from critics and audiences. As of December 16, 2014, based on 76 reviews collected by the review aggregator website Rotten Tomatoes , All About the Benjamins has received an overall rating average of 30%, with an average score of 4.3 out of 10.[ citation needed ]
At the crib haven't put any new skits up so I figured I quote my favorite movies and post them.
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A Fun Way to Pick Your Lottery Numbers with Your Favorite Movies
If you don’t have lucky lottery numbers, or they keep failing to bring in the money and you don’t want the lottery machine to pick them for you in a Quick Pick, there’s a more fun way to obtain your “winning” lottery numbers. Maybe one of these sets of following numbers will get you on the board in the next US Mega Millions lottery, for example. Try using the numbers from lottery movies that have won. Here are six sets of winning lottery numbers that won in the movies.
Lost
From the drama series, “Lost” the character Hurley steals some documents that contain the repeated numbers 04–08–15–16–23–42. These turn out to be the same numbers Hurley had used to win a lottery jackpot. Over the ensuing weeks, everyone around him seems to suffer increasingly bad luck. Hurley then visits a mental asylum to talk to another patient who keeps repeating the numbers to him. He keeps saying, “The numbers are bad.” The numbers may have been bad for those around Hurley, but nevertheless they were still lucky for him.
The Lottery Ticket
In the movie “The Lottery Ticket” Bow Wow (played by Kevin Carson) and his grandma hit it big with a 5 million jackpot with numbers from a fortune cookie. The plot of the movie thickens when he has to survive a three-day weekend after his opportunistic neighbors find out he’s holding the winning ticket. The winning numbers were: 04–32–33–42–45–21.
It Could Happen To You
“It Could Happen to You” is such an apropos title for a lottery movie because you know that it can indeed happen to you. That’s why you play. Isn’t it? In this film a policeman promises to split his lottery winnings with a waitress because he didn’t have any change for a tip. Well, you guessed it. He wins the lottery and now is perplexed by the promise he kept to the waitress. What would you do? The winning numbers were: 06–12–16–26–64–08.
Paycheck
In “Paycheck” Ben Affleck is a reverse engineer meaning he analyzes his clients’ competitor’s technology and recreates it, often adding improvements beyond the original specifications. To protect his clients’ intellectual property and himself, Affleck undergoes a memory wipe, but not before leaving himself the winning numbers to a lottery jackpot. The winning numbers were: 17–44–04–26–37–70–22.
Lucky Numbers
In “Lucky Numbers” weatherman John Travolta is broke. He’s borrowed heavily to open a snowmobile dealership, but it’s unseasonably warm. He tries to run an insurance scam, but that goes wrong as well and he is out another ,000. Finally he and his girlfriend figure out a way to rig the lottery to get her cousin to buy the winning ticket. Their winning numbers were: 22–70–16–9–27–07.
Waking Ned Devine
This is an English comedy filmed on the Isle of Man. Although it’s a comedy, at the very start of the film the main character is found dead holding the winning ticket. He literally dies from joy when he hits the jackpot. It’s a story of a complicated plan by a village to outsmart lottery officials and the prize won by the title character. It shows how these people capitalize on human greed and depicts the ruthlessness of society. Ned’s winning numbers were 19–40–04–07–25–29.
So, regardless of how you choose your numbers: self-pick, Quick Pick, or from a lottery movie’s winning numbers, enjoy the game and play responsibly.
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Adam Bat
Unwavering auteurist. Almost award-winning freelance writer on cinema and film programmer (Sight & Sound, Eureka Video). Likes French movies.
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From À Bout de Souffle to Zazie dans la métro, Hope Lies at 24 Frames Per Second attempts to cover every corner of the cinematic spectrum.
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Ice Cube and Mike Epps are the driving force of this high style, high impact, action/comedy. One's a top dog bounty hunter, the other a two-bit hustle (more…)All About The Benjamins - Official Trailer
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All About the BenjaminsBETA bounty hunter and a con man hunt for diamonds and a winning lottery ticket.
All About the BenjaminsBETA bounty hunter and a con man hunt for diamonds and a winning lottery ticket.
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